dreams
Monday, March 28, 2011 @ 9:31 AM
| 1 notesi dreamt of eleo again . this time he was a big boy :) abt a 1 yr old. I dreamt i was carrying him. i dreamt he was learning things VERY fast. & I was so proud of him :)
<3
乐恩's
Saturday, March 12, 2011 @ 12:24 PM
| 0 notesI havnt blogged in a long time now. If you are reading this, u probably have been too free to constantly come back to check for updates on my blog :P
So 乐恩's birthday has just ended a few days ago. (I prefer his chinese name) on that day... I cried. I mean, why won't I?
At 12AM, thr scenes of last year were replaying in my head. How... I was lying in labour ward... How... I was just trying to pretend it's not pain... How... Mummy was joking with me and disturbing me... How... I eventually started squeezing the handle bars as the pain starts becoming more intolerable... How... I needed to rely on laughing gas to numb the pain...
All these flashbacks were playing in my head. Then I started wishing Eleo was still here. And I wish I can go through all the pain again, at least he was with me. I wish time could reverse back to a year ago, where I felt, life was the best. I cannot explain my heart ache. I cannot say anything to try to express my regrets. But... I just want Eleo to rmb, I love him. Till the day I left him, I loved him.
Baby boy, it has been a year now. Mummy has gone through things. Some of joy, some of tears. But God has been good :) he has placed many little reminders in my life that you will always be my baby boy. God has reminded me that He constantly has His eyes on you. That you are healthy and happy and save. To be honest, mummy sometimes wish to have another baby. Because I feel so unjust to lose you. But, for now, I know I did what I did only to bring you happiness. I know I made a right choice. :)
I miss my baby undeniably. Bit then, I am thankful God constantly placed reminders in my life as to, why in the first place I gave my baby up. When I think of that, I can only continue to trust the Lord, and know He would only give the best for us.
dreams
Monday, March 28, 2011 @ 9:31 AM
| 1 notesi dreamt of eleo again . this time he was a big boy :) abt a 1 yr old. I dreamt i was carrying him. i dreamt he was learning things VERY fast. & I was so proud of him :)
<3
乐恩's
Saturday, March 12, 2011 @ 12:24 PM
| 0 notesI havnt blogged in a long time now. If you are reading this, u probably have been too free to constantly come back to check for updates on my blog :P
So 乐恩's birthday has just ended a few days ago. (I prefer his chinese name) on that day... I cried. I mean, why won't I?
At 12AM, thr scenes of last year were replaying in my head. How... I was lying in labour ward... How... I was just trying to pretend it's not pain... How... Mummy was joking with me and disturbing me... How... I eventually started squeezing the handle bars as the pain starts becoming more intolerable... How... I needed to rely on laughing gas to numb the pain...
All these flashbacks were playing in my head. Then I started wishing Eleo was still here. And I wish I can go through all the pain again, at least he was with me. I wish time could reverse back to a year ago, where I felt, life was the best. I cannot explain my heart ache. I cannot say anything to try to express my regrets. But... I just want Eleo to rmb, I love him. Till the day I left him, I loved him.
Baby boy, it has been a year now. Mummy has gone through things. Some of joy, some of tears. But God has been good :) he has placed many little reminders in my life that you will always be my baby boy. God has reminded me that He constantly has His eyes on you. That you are healthy and happy and save. To be honest, mummy sometimes wish to have another baby. Because I feel so unjust to lose you. But, for now, I know I did what I did only to bring you happiness. I know I made a right choice. :)
I miss my baby undeniably. Bit then, I am thankful God constantly placed reminders in my life as to, why in the first place I gave my baby up. When I think of that, I can only continue to trust the Lord, and know He would only give the best for us.
