Post
Tuesday, November 30, 2010 @ 8:26 AM
| 0 noteswas i overboard when i said those words on FB ?
but when God said, " Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy. -Proverbs 14:10 " I can only imagine, from the start, when HE molded our hearts, how much thought HE has put into it to make each heart unique.
When she screams at me on how immature i am, i guess i wont deny it. I know how immature i am, but because there isn't a need for me to be mature so i chose to be immature. when tasked with a responsibility, i will make sure i am responsible for it, but if not, i'll ignore it. isnt it obvious enough on how self-delusional i can get? its an acquired skill.
When she said those words, it did hurt pretty much. But than again, I guess she was just trying to spite me into waking up. But what she doesn't see is that, self-respect is not taught this way. just because she said it so hurt-fully, it doesn't make me wake up and go, " hey ! maybe i should learn to respect myself abit " If I knew how to respect myself, I probably would have done it many years ago. But no. That sentence, that quote, has long been drilled into my head. no matter how people tell me to forget about it because it's not real, i cnnt. thats the way i have been living for the past ... 6years ? around there. Does she know, by screaming at me that i have no self respect, when my brain filters it, she is indirectly calling me a slut? maybe she has no intention of doing so, but then, my brain chose to translate it this way. yes, i am a mother, i can feel how a mother would feel to watch her child being "bullied" by guys who just come and go come and go, but then, screaming at me will not help. the unhappier you make me at home, the more time i dont want to come home, the more i will stay out, and that heightens the risk of anything happening.
-sigh . unhappy unhappy unhappy . but then again, it's time i go reflect on myself too as to what i did to make her unhappy too.
Post
Tuesday, November 30, 2010 @ 8:26 AM
| 0 noteswas i overboard when i said those words on FB ?
but when God said, " Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy. -Proverbs 14:10 " I can only imagine, from the start, when HE molded our hearts, how much thought HE has put into it to make each heart unique.
When she screams at me on how immature i am, i guess i wont deny it. I know how immature i am, but because there isn't a need for me to be mature so i chose to be immature. when tasked with a responsibility, i will make sure i am responsible for it, but if not, i'll ignore it. isnt it obvious enough on how self-delusional i can get? its an acquired skill.
When she said those words, it did hurt pretty much. But than again, I guess she was just trying to spite me into waking up. But what she doesn't see is that, self-respect is not taught this way. just because she said it so hurt-fully, it doesn't make me wake up and go, " hey ! maybe i should learn to respect myself abit " If I knew how to respect myself, I probably would have done it many years ago. But no. That sentence, that quote, has long been drilled into my head. no matter how people tell me to forget about it because it's not real, i cnnt. thats the way i have been living for the past ... 6years ? around there. Does she know, by screaming at me that i have no self respect, when my brain filters it, she is indirectly calling me a slut? maybe she has no intention of doing so, but then, my brain chose to translate it this way. yes, i am a mother, i can feel how a mother would feel to watch her child being "bullied" by guys who just come and go come and go, but then, screaming at me will not help. the unhappier you make me at home, the more time i dont want to come home, the more i will stay out, and that heightens the risk of anything happening.
-sigh . unhappy unhappy unhappy . but then again, it's time i go reflect on myself too as to what i did to make her unhappy too.
